Monday, March 16, 2009

My Window Was Open Today

I had my window open today and enjoyed the fresh air. I noticed green leaves starting to grow again on the only tree in our backyard that sheds for the winter. Thanks to Kathy, I got to smell a huge bouquet of gorgeous, deep purple freesias all weekend that sat on the nightstand next to my bed. Spring is definitely on its way and I can feel new life taking shape within me.

Next chemo will be my last and I am even beginning to accept the idea of losing my breasts. I've gone through so many different things that I never thought I'd be able to accept and handle. Now that chemo is nearly over, I can't believe I am actually starting to embrace the idea of the surgery. At first I get horrified by my fate and then as I go through each stage, acceptance comes and I begin to focus on the positive - like feeling clean and not having that top weight on me. It also helped that someone who's had a double mastectomy came over to my house and showed me what it looks like. I can envision it now and I can hold out for the possibility that it won't be so bad and may even feel better.

I didn't have any depression or migraines with this last round of chemo and believe it could have been because of the lower dose of the decadron and easing off it more slowly. This chemo is different from the other chemo in that my worst days are Saturday and Sunday rather than Friday. So the time spent in bed is longer though only one of them was spent entirely in pajamas. Other than fatigue, constipation, and a bad taste in my mouth, there's very little pain and no nausea. In fact, this time I took a new Chinese herbal preparation called, "Marrow Plus" and I didn't have the bone pain I usually have by the 5th day.

I even got dressed and showered today and took Aimee to school. It's only on Mondays that I do that because Geoff does our volunteer work at PCS on Monday mornings. All the other days I get to go slow in the morning while he gets the kids breakfast and takes them to school. They're 11 and 14 and could make their own breakfast, but he loves doing it and reminds me that Jason will be in college soon enough...

So, I just wanted to touch base and let you all know how I did with the last round. I'm very excited that the end is in sight and I only have one more round.

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