Monday, April 27, 2009

Getting Ready for Surgery

I cleaned up my room, did some laundry, went out for lunch with Stef, and gathered together the stuff I want to bring to the hospital. When Aimee got home from school, I had her take photos of me and I posted them here, along with photos of my high school buddies and one of my favorite wig.

Stefanie volunteered to coordinate food offerings. So if you want to do something for us in that way, here's her email address: stefelkin@hotmail.com I'll also be giving her the email addresses of those of you who've asked about that. Geoff has been enjoying caring for our family by cooking good dinners but I think that I'm going to step in and see if he can get some relief - at least in the next week or two.

I spoke to my sister-in-care and she read my good-bye letter and said she cried. I didn't post that one. It felt too vulnerable. Then I asked her whether there's anything more I can do to work through the sadness and she said, "You'll experience more of that." I told her about feeling horror and as we sorted through that one, I realized it was about not wanting to be disfigured. She's felt that too - where she'd more likely hide her side with no breast than hide her breast...

She's gotten to feeling better about that after 10 years by remembering that many of us at this age have scars on our bodies from various ailments. She also said that after her surgery the thing that bothered her the most was noticing people's eyes always going to her chest. She got over that when realizing she couldn't control how others would react to her. When I told that to Stef, she said, it's human nature - like it's nearly impossible not to look.

All this stuff, feeling disfigured and worrying about what others will think is something I just have to use humor to deal with. So the last few days I've been laughing with my kids about being without "boobs" soon. And they've been able to make jokes about it and laugh too. That's been a great gift for me right now. I love my kids!!!!

So here's a link to Psalm 119 for those of you who were wondering but didn't have the book: http://www.chabadbythesea.com/library/article_cdo/aid/6419/jewish/Chapter-119.htm

Again, thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. I feel very touched by all of the support I'm getting and wonder if I'd be as there for others as you are all there for me. Anyway, looking forward to the Valium tonight.

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