When I went to the Jewish women's program on Sunday, it was another chance for me to be seen hairless and human. It's not easy to go out in public and I am amazed that my clients are able to just focus on themselves and not get distracted by my appearance. Though I wear hats, I do look like a cancer patient.
So getting it out last week in writing was really an important step for me. It allowed me to confront that side that feels ashamed about being where I am. Then when I walked into the program on Sunday, I was immediately confronted by a very old friend who's kind of harsh who I really didn't want to have to tell how I ended up here.
Anyway, people do ask and I'm sure everyone wonders when they see me, what the story is. We all want to know: How did you find out? Did you feel something? Did the mammogram not catch something? And mostly, people just want to know the story so they can prevent it from happening to them.
It's just that it's been so darn hard telling people the story because I always want to say, "Well, this happened because I screwed up." So I told this old friend, "I thought what I was feeling wasn't what it was and then I should have gotten a mammogram earlier than I did." And after the look on her face, I went to find someone else to talk to!
I guess it will eventually get easier to tell people my story. Luckily I heard that the T allows some of your hair to grow back. That's great because even my eyelashes are nearly gone...
Next week is the T chemo on Wednesday. This week is the week of not feeling like I even had chemo a couple weeks ago. Just tired and weak, but that's normal for me! One of my friends tells me how great I'll feel after this cancer is gone from my body. I'm looking forward to it and the end is in sight.
Hope your week is going well too.
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