The Kids Just Left

For those of you who don't know, Aimee and Jason were invited by Geoff's brother, Brad, to go on a trip to Costa Rica. Aren't they lucky? They just left for the airport with Geoff. Fortunately, I didn't have to see them off because I have radiation at 11:30. I say, "fortunately", because it would have been difficult for me to leave them there by themselves.

This is the first time they are going away from home for an extended time. They've gone for a few nights at a time but never for 12. I am very happy for them - it's a fantastic opportunity, but it has been a bit anxiety-producing for all of us. I think Jason called Brad every day for the past two weeks just asking questions. It was hard for us all to sleep last night!

Geoff and I are going to have an empty nest for the first time in 15 years. Well, the dog will be here but I told Geoff we are going to go out for a picnic without the dog. Geoff and I have never spent time away from our kids. We even go out to lunch together when they're in school so we can be home with them when they're home.

I actually feel better now that they are finally gone. The anticipation of this trip was harder and last night and yesterday's final preparation was anxiety-producing. Right now though, if I don't think of them by themselves in the airport, I'm ok.

I gave them each a dollar to give to someone in Costa Rica when they got there. It's a tradition that Baily taught me once when I went on a trip. I told them that HaShem will make sure that they get there safe and sound in order to do that mitzvah.

By the way, I have been doing very, very well. Maybe too well - which I'll explain later. My energy has been great and I haven't felt any fatigue yet from the radiation which is going to be finished in 10 days! Plus I saw 7 clients this week!

The only drawback has been the skin soreness. I've had to resort to hydrocortosone cream for itching and I'm using Emprizone (a combination of aloe and antibacterial stuff) for the open sores. The weekend comes as quite a relief to my skin.

I wrote "I've been doing too well" because I realized I've been pushing myself. I hurt my body twice this week: once on my wrist and once on my shoulder. It was just a reminder to me that I've not been paying attention to the fact that I'm still in treatment and recovering from chemo and surgery. I've been so wanting to finally move forward after being held back all this time! But I need to use my brain and not just my heart.

I've been wanting to move forward with my practice and looking at what other insurance companies I can join. I was thinking, maybe I could tell WomenCare that I can see breast cancer patients. My acupuncturist, Emmy, reminded me that WomenCare has a requirement for their sister's in care to be at least 1 year outside of treatment before they can become a sister to someone. Duh...that sounds reasonable!

So I've been reminded to just appreciate where I am and what is in my life right now. I am in a very good place right now! Why mess with it? I am remembering that G-d gives me exactly what I need and I don't need to push myself or fret about the future. Just preparing the kids for a big trip out of the country and seeing 7 clients and getting radiation every weekday was enough on my plate!

So I don't want to make the same mistakes in my life again. I don't want to ignore my body when it tells me something's wrong. I want to use my brain and not just my fears or desires. I don't want to overwhelm myself or overbook myself to the point where I'm not happy anymore. Things are really good right now! I am really happy. And I want to continue being happy and healthy. That's all that really matters.