Getting Ready for Hawaii

It does feel like a completion of sorts this week. Especially yesterday when I walked Aimee into PCS for her "base camp" - back on the old site, breathing a sigh of relief. We made it. We're going to be ok now. (Only my fellow refugees from Natural Bridges fully understand what I mean by that.)

My life definitely coincides with the Jewish calendar. I wonder if this is for everyone and not just for me. Jews are always refugees or exiles. But Tisha B'Av also seems like the end of the year to me and here we are at the end of my year of challenges and growth. In a few more weeks, we'll be at the beginning of the Jewish new year - Rosh haShanah - and I'll be on Tamoxifen and having my diagnosis anniversary. Weird, huh?

I always plan our Hawaii trip - for the past 5 years - around Tisha B'Av. I never want to be traveling during the 3 weeks starting with the 17th of Tammuz (when the Romans breached the 2nd Temple walls) and ending with Tisha B'Av (when the Temple was destroyed). The Romans built an arch to brag about their spoils from the Temple & it can be seen here: http://www.bluffton.edu/~sullivanm/titus/titus.html

I listened to an audio on chabadbythesea.org called the Lessons of Tisha B'Av by Ruvi New. http://www.chabadbythesea.com/library/article_cdo/aid/704041/jewish/The-Lessons-of-Tisha-BAv.htm It was so fascinating. But what struck me most was the whole idea of "out of the ashes comes new life". Abraham was told his children would be scattered all over the world and guess what? Here we are. It's all in the Divine Plan - we weren't ready for the first Temple and not ready for the 2nd either. The third is built brick by brick with every mitzvah that we do. The 3rd Temple will be worldwide and not just in Jerusalem. G-d wasn't supposed to only be visible in one place on earth. The plan was for G-d to find a dwelling place in the lowest of all worlds, in every darkest corner.

By the way, did you know that both Temples were destroyed on the same day: Tisha B'Av or the 9th of Av? Other important (dark) events also occurred on the 9th of Av: the incident involving the spies (the breakdown of faith that caused the Jews to wander the desert for 40 more years) and the worst situation for the modern day Jews: the first day of WWI (which some say was the precursor to WWII).

I seemed to have more new clients wanting therapy in the last 9 days of the 3 weeks - the first 9 days of Av. And so I wonder if any of you did too. I once totaled my car during the first 9 days of Av. So I've been extra careful ever since this time of year. I believe that the children who are born during these days are blessings and reminders that we still go on after the destruction. It's not the end. These children, like Aimee, probably all Leos, are full of energy and light and enthusiasm - shedding a brightness during the dark times.

The full moon of Av (the 15th) is a day of redemption and that is the very day that we are off to Hawaii - tomorrow. It was once a day when (the Talmud says) that the "daughters of Jerusalem would go dance in the vineyards and whoever did not have a wife would go there" to find one. I'm finding myself using every challenge I have with Geoff lately as an opportunity to create a complete recovery for me and in our relationship.

I need to be the boss sometimes and I'd rather not have to fight for that - so I give in and then sit with my resentment. So it's been lots of standing up for myself and not backing down, along with reviewing situations and using "I messages" to state what I prefer happening next time. This is a continual challenge for me and really good for me at the same time.

So I'm almost completely packed and ready to go. We've got a UCSC student house sitting and taking care of Summer. And I had to admit that I really didn't want to give her the job (even though she was the best candidate out of everyone we interviewed). I didn't like her simply because she was so pretty and her boobs were too big. Yes, I was jealous and Geoff just had to show her all his photos and wouldn't stop talking to her when it was time for her to leave. So I've been realizing just how hard it is to have no breasts anymore even though I love it when I'm Israeli folk dancing in the morning and nothing gets in the way of my jumping up and down.

I did get a new bathing suit from the store that I got my hats from. I don't think I'll need to wear anything in it to keep the cups from deflating but we'll see once I get in the water. At least it's cute with a skirt. One thing I am enjoying is the fact that I've packed a lot of tank tops. That's something I was never able to wear in Hawaii before. I fit into a lot of things now that I never could before. So that keeps me going. I'm not young anymore and will never be as cute as that girl who's house sitting and dog sitting. But at least I can be comfortable and make do with what I have and accept who I am. And make jokes to my family and you about not wanting to give her the job. (Even though it's not really a joke but the truth!)

So I'll check back in after we get back - sometime after August 15th. I'll be sorry not to have my computer to see you checking in and reading your comments. Instead, it will be fun to see you all on here once I get back home.