Freedom

My oncologist told me that I really didn't need to get scanned again unless I have a suspicious lump or pain. So that was a relief. I felt so happy and like, wow, it's really over. Then slowly, it creeped up on me: I started to worry and wonder what the heck I'm doing now with the rest of my life besides having the stress of parenting a 13 year old daughter.

Crazy. I couldn't just be happy with no scans anymore...

Then I noticed one night that my bra was really leaving a deep indentation on my left side, under my arm. Next day I looked in the mirror and discovered a red welt the size of a 3 x 5 card stretching from the little white scars left from my drains under my arm, across my bra line 5 inches and up toward my scapula 3 inches.

I had been feeling depressed and very tired, like whatever I was supposed to be doing with the rest of my life, I really had no energy for. (And beating myself up for only wanting to watch TV all day). Then the red welt shows up and the doc tells me it's "cellulitis" which means antibiotics for a staph infection.

Called Dad because when I heard "staph", I got scared. He did too. Told me to do continuous wet heat on the welt and he called to check on me everyday to see if it was getting better.

So I learned that when I'm depressed and tired, maybe I'm not to blame and shouldn't push myself...it could be staph!

It forced me to stay in bed (what a good excuse) and watch TV day after day, as much as I could, so I could sit with continuous heat on my welt.

I am now 7 days out and the welt has receded and the doc gave me the ok but I'm still sitting with heat as much as I can until it disappears entirely. Plus, I've decided not to think about what else I need to be doing with the rest of my life.

Work has slowed down and I'm very busy with lots of healthy self-help. Two writing classes, one support group, and one life coaching for cancer survivors. The writing's been a blast and pretty soon I'll have the energy to post some of it online.

Anyway, just again realizing I'm needing to take good care of myself and possibly get used to my belly (which I can see when looking down now that I'm not wearing my bra (falsies) anymore. Hey, maybe I will start thinking this belly I inherited from my dad is really cute! I think his is! So why not mine?

Yes, enjoy your life Melissa. You have so much to be grateful for, not to mention Spring came in January here on the west coast... If you can find a plowed runway, catch a plane and come on out to visit! No snow!