Showered and Dressed

I got myself showered and dressed today and off the vicodin. I'm still sore but I took asperin and tylenol. It was rough going in the shower and looking at all the bruises. I feel battered. I can't lift my hands above my head so I haven't started the magic shampoo yet.

I'm so grateful to have my bit of therapy practice going. It got me out of bed, showered and dressed and focused on other people. And feeling like I really can do something well in my life. It took me so long to go back to my practice due to insecurity and remembering how I never thought I was helping anyone. They would all send me thank you notes, etc. but I had that insecurity. So I went to so many classes this time trying to get that confidence. It didn't help until I applied to the insurance companies and people just kept getting referred to me and once I started working with people regularly I realized: ****! I'm good at this! I don't know, maybe it's the experience and the age now but I have a lot to give and can really help people. (when they are open to the help!) One thing I realized after working with some today was that this diagnosis makes me understand how important it is to have friends and not to expect your spouse to be everything you need. I think if people had a broader support network in their lives, they may not need to see me. I'm lucky because I have therapists who are friends of mine!

Anyway, it's hard not knowing whether or not I'm getting chemo tomorrow. I'm planning for it. I've taken the decadron. I've got my yummy mineral broth all made up. I've got my popsicles to prevent mouth sores. But we'll see if the oncologist needs the new biopsy report first.

So that's the update. I wanted to write before tomorrow in case I did have chemo and wouldn't be up for writing tomorrow.