Love Grows Where My Rosemary Goes

Bob gave me a cd with Bobby Sherman singing that old song - "Love grows where my Rosemary goes and nobody knows like me.." Tickles my memories.

So Geoff's dad's home now and things are starting to settle down a bit on that front. Maybe not for his mom, but Geoff seems less stressed. I just really don't want to get nervous about it right now, so I don't ask anything but am open to listening.

Today we went to see my oncologist. He recommended I get a CT scan & bone scan before I start radiation - just to put that question to rest. He said that the radiation will "absolutely" destroy whatever's left in my lymph nodes. But if anything shows up on the CT scan, I may be looking at discussing some more chemo. So I got an appointment tomorrow to get the scan.

I remember the first one I got - seems so long ago now - back in October or early November before the first chemo. I was so nervous. Then after landing in the hospital, I had so many more scans that now that I'm facing one tomorrow, it's like no big deal. Geoff just went out to pick up the yucky stuff I have to drink. So tomorrow's scan is at 3pm. I won't get the results until Monday next week. Bone scan is next Wednesday.

I'm still feeling a bit down and low energy and hoping that the Celexa starts to pick me up soon. Maybe after I hear some good results on the CT scan I'll feel better. Or after I finally get out and see my clients again on Sunday.

My 50th birthday is the 25th and before I was diagnosed, Geoff was talking to me about having a party like we had for him when he turned 50. At the time, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do that. Now I'm still not sure. Am I ready to celebrate the end of chemo and surgery? Maybe I'll feel differently after I get the CT results.

My parents have been wanting to come up to visit and so I told them they could be here for that birthday weekend. They will bring my sister and her daughter with them. If I don't feel up to having a birthday/end of chemo & surgery celebration, well then at least I'll be going out for meals with my parents that weekend.

If I do have a celebration, it will be very low-key and held at our home, like Geoff's was. An open house type deal but I won't cook anything this time - Costco will do the cooking for me. Simple things like chips and dips, fruits and maybe quiches or some other simple to serve eatables. It would be nice to be able to see those of you who have been with me on these carepages all this time. I know some people will be out of town for the Memorial Day weekend, but there are lots of you who live in S. Cruz who I haven't seen since I started all this, but I have felt your support all along. If I do have a party, it will be to give you a hug and if I don't have a party, I know you'll understand why.

Anyway, I'll let you know how my scan went by Monday or Tuesday next week. Hopefully the results will be good and we can all heave a sigh of relief. If not, well, I have two good friends who've lived with metastasis for over 10 years and I will just have to model myself after them. Not to copy Geoff's blog, but I've got to quote another song to end this update: "Look out, here comes tomorrow..." all you Davy Jones valentines.

Path Report

Well, I had myself a good cry yesterday due to the pathology report coming back with finding cancer in 4 out of 7 lymph nodes. The good news is that the oncologist wasn't surprised and told me I didn't need to have more chemo. The other good news is that there was no cancer on the right side and they removed the original tumor on the left side when they removed the breast. It had shrunk from 6 cm (measured by MRI) to 2 cm.

Next week I get to see the oncologist and the radiation oncologist. Radiation will begin as soon as I'm healed from the surgery - which she originally told me would take about a month. Then that's 6 weeks of radiation but I hear it's a breeze. After that, G-d Willing, it's Hawaii. Then it's a CT scan that will determine if it spread beyond the lymph nodes (the CT scan before all the treatment showed that it hadn't spread). And then I have 10 years on Tamoxifen which blocks the estrogen that this type of canser tends to like.

Luckily I had just received a DVD from Netflix yesterday that kept me smiling the entire time I watched it. I knew that I had ordered it for this week for a good reason but didn't know it'd be there that very day! It was a documentary on the Monkees.

How many of you liked the Monkees when you were little? I must have been around 8 - 10 or so when all the girls on my block had all the Monkees albums and cut out the photos of our favs from the magazines to tape all over our bedroom walls. We always had to be wearing yellow when we played that one song that said, "...a girl in yellow dress..."

Anyways, my good friend Bob Hall made me some CDs of old live Monkees concerts and so I just had to get the DVD. I remember also liking Bobby Sherman. Then I remember feeling embarrassed to like the Monkees and Bobby Sherman - so I never told anyone!!! I kept it a secret. After watching the DVD I realized how sad it was that the Monkees had to end feeling ashamed of themselves after only 2 years of what I thought was really good music and a funny show. But the world was moving in more serious directions and the teeny boppers were seen as...well, just stupid.

One thing I found fascinating & hilarious, (and then I'll stop it already), was that for some time, when the Monkees performed, Jimi Hendrix was their opening act! Whenever he sang the word, "Foxy", everyone would scream, "Davey!" One time after he was done with his performance, he threw his guitar at the audience. (According to Mike Nesmith and Davey Jones.)

So, some tears and some laughs...the Monkees were fun and funny and Jimmy Hendrix was very cool and groovy and deadly serious and died an early death that was very sad...happy times, sad times, I guess that's just life.